How to make academic essays more concise?

Question

So I take History and English Literature A Level, I love them! But the problem is that I really want an A* and I don't know how to get it. I've received a few As so far but I'm a bit behind the rest of my class and I'm not sure why because I was the top of my classes at GCSE Level. My Teacher's tell me that my essays are not concise and to the point enough, and are not quite as sophisticated. I also have the tendency to 'tell the story' which is not analysis and is completely pointless. I want my essays to become really interesting and of a high quality, but I am not sure what changes I need to make to make them so. 

Any tips would be very much appreciated, thankyou! 

Answer 1

Read your essays out loud. Yes, you'll feel silly, but you'll also know when you're straying from the point or using 5 words when one would do.

 

You have a thesis statement. Does every paragraph support it in a clear, definable way? In other words, if I read just one paragraph, would I be at least somewhat convinced of your thesis? Now ask the same question about every sentence.

 

Re: Strunk and White (who have their flaws as well as virtues), follow their example in this way at least. They originally wrote: "take out all the words you don't need." Then they rewrote it as: "omit needless words." 

 

When you catch yourself "telling the story," ask yourself why you're doing it. If you're doing it to give context to your argument, can you condense your telling into a subordinate clause? For example: "Little Red Riding Hood goes through the woods to see her grandmother. On the way, she meets a wolf, who tricks her into telling him where her grandmother lives. He secretly hurries there ahead of her, eats the grandmother, and puts on her clothes, so that Little Red will have her guard down when she arrives. If Little Red had been less trusting of strangers, she could have taken greater steps to save herself and her grandmother." 

 

All of that can be condensed as "Little Red's naivete nearly kills both her grandmother and herself."

 

Seriously, reading it out loud is going to be your best friend on this point.

Answer 2

Consult Strunk & White!

Pare down, and revise repeatedly.

Read more--Hemingway's usual simple sentence approach is to be commended (although he once did publish a single sentence containing 424 words).

Include humor, but not broad humor--ironic and laconic at the same time will be more sophisticated.

"Want an A" -- most people want it, but your task is to work hard to develop and improve; for this, your instructor is indeed the primary source.