How is the first paragraph of the passage organized?

Question

   When I first started school, I was lonely. I had just moved into a new neighborhood, and I didn't know anyone at the new school. All of my friends were still at my old school, and I was so scared that I wouldn't like anyone at my new school. Here, they all wore uniforms, and my old school didn't. They ate lunch earlier. Their recess period was shorter. Their hallways were smaller. I never had a locker at my old school, and now, I had one at my new school. My old school had televisions in the classroom. This new school didn't even have chalk boards in the classroom.

     Then, after my first day, I had made friends with a kid named Mary. She and I ate lunch together. By the second day, the hallways didn't seem so small. Recess felt like it lasted all day, and lunch seemed perfect.

Answer 1

Hi Bob,

           

A few guiding questions and suggestions:

1. -         Will the main idea have the same tone throughout the entire essay? Lonely? Lost?
2. -         Did you use a graphic organizer? It’s still possible to use one after you’ve started an essay.
3. -         Do you understand what the assignment is truly asking you to do?
4. -         Your first sentence should be a hook that combines the main idea/purpose of your narrative and grabs the reader enough to want to keep reading.
5. -         Stay away from repeating the same word or phrases over and over, find synonyms and/or blend sentences together to couple ideas with impact rather than what just looks like a short fact.
6. -         Throughout you need to use descriptive words that allow the reader to feel as though they were right there with you. For example, here is a possible hook using descriptive words from your paragraph:
7. Lonely can barely describe the feeling that washed over me as I reached the doors, scratching the material of my new uniform before the school day had even started.

Then you can move into an ‘upside down triangle’ slowly moving away from such detailed sentences to generalize your main idea and easily transition to your first body paragraph where the details will begin.

Hopefully you find this helpful!