How to avoid repetitive sentences? (Describing actions, he/she)?

Question

I was just wondering if anybody had some tips on how to avoid repetitively describing characters' actions in the same way? Here is an example which I'm struggling to reform, mostly because I keep using 'he/she did this' etc as I'm sure you can tell:> “Oh, of course!” She urged, taking the snacks from his arms and moving aside to allow him in - remembering that there was an actual reason why he was meant to be there.He entered, thoughtfully glancing around the place and taking it in. He circled the room for a few moments in inspection, barely easing her nerves as she locked the door and moved towards the seats she’d placed out around a canvas in the centre.“Where should I sit?” He asked suddenly. She sat down, caution in her voice as she guided him to the chair opposite. “Just here, please.” Do you think I should describe the characters' emotions more than their actions?Or is that too cliche? I've always struggled with dialogue/action, so I'd love your opinions! Hopefully you can understand where I'm coming from. Thanks so much in advance!

Answer 1

Hi!

It is not too cliche at all to intertwine more emotion and inner dialogue between and in addition to the character’s actions. Mood and atmosphere are essential in fictional writing and add significance and depth to each character and action. Try combining sentences with transitions and adjectives to set more tone, mood, and atmosphere as it will illustrate a well-rounded picture in the reader’s mind.

Example:  “Oh, of course!” She urged, quickly taking the snacks from his arms as she moved aside intently to allow him in - remembering that there was an actual reason why he was meant to be there and in that moment, a sense of both anticipation and anxiety blanketed her simultaneously. There was tension that was obvious but choosing to be optimistic, He entered, thoughtfully glancing around the beguiling place and taking it in with wonder and intrigue . He circled the room for a few moments in inspection, barely easing her frayed nerves as she locked the door and moved carefully towards the seats she’d placed out methodically around a canvas in the centre.“Where should I sit?” He asked suddenly and sincerely. . She sat down hesitantly, caution in her voice as she guided him to the chair opposite, exhaled loudly before pointing and saying “Just here, please.”

You’re doing great. Keep up the great work and I hope that my opinions and suggestions were helpful. Feel free to ask me anything else or to elaborate if necessary.