Matt H. answered 11/14/14
PATIENT :-) Elem/Middle MATH and WRITING; HS SAT and COLLEGE ESSAYS!
Your poem is beautiful. And it yes it makes sense, all the way through.
I love "When I call you rain, my love becomes the sand." It is so evocative.
You ask, "is it good enough?" Yes, it certainly is! But I have a few thoughts, just a couple of things that jumped out at me that you might want to think about:
First, it's not really a sonnet, technically--usually a sonnet will have a very consistent meter (rhythmic pattern). Your poem explores different meters, so it falls more accurately under the heading of free verse, which is a perfectly excellent and legit poetical form, and fits the mood of your thoughts very well.
And the only other thing I might point out is that there a few lines with some too-common images: "burns me just like a flame," "my love for you is desire," these are lines that are heard in a lot of poems and songs--probably because their meanings are so clear and universal--but you might think of taking another try at just those few spots, so that they become as original and refreshing as the rest of the imagery.
But on the whole, you've written a very nice piece here--very honest, not pretentious or fake. It was a pleasure to read, and congratulations to you on deciding to post it here.
Hope this helps.
Matt in New York
There’s no one close again to make me smile 10
I'm walking lowly in this lonely town 10
A flickering light shoots out mile to mile 10
But still without you there I feel to drown 10 five line quintrain, stanza with 10 syllables per line
I try to catch you but you’re far away 10
Again the cold of winter mid us came 10
I find myself alone to find my way 10
The way you left me burns me like a flame 10 four line quaatrain stanza with 10 syllables per line
When I call out to you amidst the rain, 10
My love is like the rains upon your sand 10
I long to spend some time with you again 10
Please give my soul some rest and take my hand 10
You set my soul on fire in all you say 10
You’re nothing more I wish from day to day 10 six line sestet stanza with 10 syllables per line
Your poem falls into the direction of A Rondeau Poem invented by the early French Troubadors. By analyzing the syllabic structure of each line of your original expressions of thought, I took the first stanza and replicated the 10 syllabic meter into the other stanza maintaining the thought flow and the rhyme scheme you had chosen. I have found after writing some fifty years of poetry beginning at your age, that If I replicate the syllabic rhythm of the first stanza into the other stanzas I can draw out of my mind the real feelings of my heart.