How can I improve the effectiveness of my examples to grab the recruiters attention?

Question

I am in the process of answering the question **please indicate any leadership roles you have held** for a particular job application but still feel as if my replies lack a certain crispness and flow. So far I have shown a friend who has provided some minute changes but I'm not entirely convinced. Any ideas on how I can improve the effectiveness of my three examples? I have 100 word limit for each. Thanks in advance.Example 1> Having to maximise the usefulness of the few resources provided, I led> a small team to runner-up position in university’s annual> business competition. This required me to plan, manage and delegate> tasks effectively in order to increase the group’s overall> productivity. Upon establishing myself as an expert on the target> market, I was immediately able to gain the trust and support of my> peers which facilitated the decision making process. When pitching> our idea to a team of private investors, I had to respond to queries> related to the credibility of our service and managed to secure a $500> prize.> Example 2> After being promoted to admin controller at XYZ Taxi, I was> responsible for ensuring that the performance targets required of the> firm were met. This required me to monitor the daily number of> incoming calls received by each employee and report back to> management. In addition to this, I was in charge of reviewing and> resolving difficult conflicts such as fare disputes. Over time, I> recognised recurring issues and begun to analyse their causes in order> to reach a solution. For example, to solve the issue of inaccurate> quotes being given to clients, I designed clearer price charts to be> displayed all over the office.Example 3> Organising a youth conference provided me with valuable experience in> planning a complex event. As technical director, I assisted with> booking the venue, ordering refreshments and helping our keynote> speaker with his travel arrangements. Such careful preparation ensured> the presence of a reliable welcoming team, memorable interior design> within the venue and on posters outside the venue. My role was> significant in ensuring the event was well-attended by spearheading a> marketing campaign on various social networks to cultivate interest.> This gave me a platform to demonstrate my resourcefulness; I adhered> to a strict budget by designing the flyers myself using online> tutorials.

Answer 1

I often tell my writing clients that "less is more." And it holds true more than you might think. Sometimes students include too much information or too much detail. Try to determine what are relevant facts/info and what is not, then omit all instances or irrelevant information. And being concise is critical to be considered an effective narrative. This can be accomplished by thinking of your overall goal/purpose of your response and address it in terms of high-level/broad concepts first, then only include "necessary" or relevant information.

I'm happy to discuss further. Just message me to coordinate. Thanks