Are commas needed here?

Question

Are commas required in the following passage after each "while"? I believe standard grammar rules say they would be, but I've also learned that in more advanced academic writing commas become optional in some places. I'm aware that without a comma after "while" the meaning changes from "whereas" to "simultaneously," but I still think that would make sense in the following example. I feel like adding the commas would make the sentences choppier and unnecessarily halt them, but I may be wrong.

The perception of leadership varies in the eyes of each individual. Some consider the ability to be a leader and the qualities that come with it to be innate while others see them as perfectly attainable. Some picture leadership as a clear-cut, inherently extraverted and assertive skill set while others see it as more broad and inclusive.

Opinions?

Answer 1

Hi Jordan,

Commas are needed to be included BEFORE each "while" in the passage above. Since "while" is a conjunction, and commas are often needed to be written before conjunctions in sentences, each "while" in the passage above should contain a comma right before it.

Answer 2

You're right: at this level, commas become more of a clarity and readability issue than a "correctness" issue. Here's how I would write this for the most clarity and readability.

The perception of leadership varies in the eyes of each individual. Some consider the ability to be a leader and the qualities that come with it to be innate, while others see them as perfectly attainable. Some picture leadership as a clear-cut, inherently extraverted, and assertive skill set, while others see it as more broad and inclusive.

(By the way, yes, I do advocate for the use of the Oxford comma after "extraverted".)