What's the best way for this sentence to be written?

Question

What's the best way for the following sentence to be worded? Context isn't important - I'm just trying to use a person as an example, "like Graham," somewhere in the sentence without awkward placement or phrasing.

The law was seemingly written to defend the human nature of the police, more so than that of the citizens and victims, like Graham, that the officers themselves are intended to protect.

Answer 1

Here is my best attempt. I feel like the original sentence is a bit too long and wordy.

The law was seemingly written to defend the police, rather than those citizens, like Graham, whom the officers themselves are intended to protect.

Answer 2

The way it is currently written is not technically incorrect, but it is unclear. The below is an option you can consider that clarifies the roles of different objects (police vs. citizens) in the sentence. I have removed "victims" as it reads as redundant but if (within the context outside this sentence) it is necessary, you can certainly add it back in. I also changed human nature to humanity to cut down on wordiness and replaced "intended" with "sworn" for added clarity. "Rather" also seemed a clearer conjunction in this case than "more so."

The law was seemingly written to defend the humanity of the police involved, rather than to protect citizens such as Graham whom the officers themselves are sworn to protect.

You can also place "such as Graham" in a commas, offsetting the appositive, if you feel that adds clarity.

The law was seemingly written to defend the humanity of the police involved, rather than to protect citizens, such as Graham, whom the officers themselves are sworn to protect.