What is the best way of conveying respect to elders in English?

Question

In Afrikaans, it is considered very disrespectful to use "you" ( "jy") when referring to someone who is above the level of a peer. Instead, it is expected that you use "u", which is a very respectful form of "you". Also you can talk in the third person "How is ma'am today" would be the equivalent. I cringe internally when I say "How are you" to someone older than me, because in Afrikaans it would be very rude. I was bought up to only ever refer to my parents in the third person. "how is mom today", "what is dad doing" when speaking in Afrikaans. The lack of English equivalent feels very wrong and disrespectful. What is the best way to convey this in English? I have been reassured that saying "you" to a parent isn't rude, and I understand that this can be cultural, but I'm particularly looking for what options English offers in this regard, as far as existing vocabulary, that convey respect. I'm in South Africa.

Answer 1

In the US, we address elders respectfully by using Sir or Ma'am (pronounced mam). This is used when getting their attention, for example: Ma'am, would you like to sit down? (On a bus) or in conversation: Thank you, Sir. We also address them as Mr. or Mrs. rather than by their first names. The exception to this is if they specifically tell us to call them by their first names.

Seniors traditionally are much more manner minded.

Answer 2

I am a native Spanish speaker that grew up in the United States. In my native language we use "Usted(es)" to denote formality and respect for elders, etc. However, like you have already noted the English language does not have that.

I think that in today's day and age where so many people are lost in cyberspace often totally unaware of who else is around them and totally engrossed in their own little sphere of life, the mere fact that you acknowledge the presence of someone and especially people older than you is so much more than the majority of people do here in the United States. So although I don't have a concrete answer to your conundrum, because there really isn't one, I think that taking the time to say hello and interact with people that are your elders is showing a tremendous amount of respect to them because you help them see that they haven't been forgotten.

Answer 3

I understand completely, just as when you greet someone regardless of age or position, you don't say, "how are you?" but instead say, "hoe gaan dit?" There are a number of ways to address this issue as well as any other cultural differences between Afrikaners and other English speaking people. Might I suggest that you schedule a lesson at which time you will be able to discuss your question and other related questions more in depth?