Rewrite the following paragraph so that the resource material flows with the remainder of the paragraph.

Question

Rewrite the following paragraph so that the resource material flows with the remainder of the paragraph.

 

A person considering the cost of school athletics must first consider salaries of coaches, custodians, trainers, and band directors. James Johnson said, "Equipment is another major cost." Equipment includes uniforms for athletes, marching band, pompon line, cheerleaders, and other groups whose function is tied to the athletics program. Equipment includes balls, bats, nets, clubs, laundry and cleaning costs, first-aid supplies, and medical supplies. Johnson also discusses utility costs. "Some are directly related to the sports program such as lighting and air conditioning." Water used by the team for showers should be included.

Answer 1

Emily I have several questions in regard to this paragraph. It says to rewrite the paragraph. Are you allowed to edit the entire paragraph or only to move sentences around? 

 

Depending on which of these is an option I would consider grouping your two reference statements and then start considering sentence order. Either option could work with this formula.

 

The easiest way to edit a paragraph like this is to read it aloud. The largest problem with this paragraph is the number of items that are listed. Sentences like that do not read well and should be re-organized if possible.