How have you, or anyone you know, ever rejected gender rules? What were the rewards or the costs (in a negative sense) of this rejection? What did you learn about yourself or others?

Answer 1

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For me, my personality is assertive, very logical, domineering, and on top of things. I dislike wasting time and I prioritize myself and my goals over others— in a healthy way, of course. I constantly try to solve people's problems without them asking, and would rather propose solutions than simply being there for emotional support.

On a positive note, my drive and work ethic have made me an excellent and memorable student to my professors, and my peers always look to me with respect and admiration. My mentality is always one of growth and finding spots for improvement. My desire to not waste time helps me to only seek genuine relationships where both parties can be themselves and connect on deep levels. I constantly have ideas, plans, and motivation. I am multi-talented and creative because I strive to be the best version of Me that I can be.

On a negative note, one can predict why these aspects are both endearing yet intimidating regarding gender roles. Women today, when described with "positive" attributes, need to be smart (but not too smart), beautiful, and kind. Society still generalizes them as the emotional ones who are reluctant to be direct about their problems. Society still places value on their external features rather than their actual interests— unless those interests are "gender-appropriate" (e.g. shopping, cooking, fashion, dancing, etc). I am constantly described as intimidating or intense by male and female peers. For people who are close to me, they admit they were intimidated but ended up really liking me when they got to know me. And it is not necessarily that I gave off bad vibes towards them, but it was because I carried myself in a way that made them feel insecure.

The dating scene has been the hardest for me. Depending on the guy's confidence, the average guy seems to prefer girls who are "less intense." I never want to depend on a guy to provide for me, nor do I care how much money he makes— I want that stability for myself, earned by myself. I get no mental stimulation or satisfaction from being told how pretty I am. I enjoy talking about social politics and theory. I dislike gossiping about mundane daily events. I do not care about following social media trends or staying up-to-date on the current influencers. Perhaps I come off intimidating because I am both physically attractive and intelligent— a combination our society keeps assuming is "rare" for women. And then I have to be careful about not sounding "too" intelligent for a guy, because women who can articulate their points well and take charge in the conversation might come off negatively to someone on a subconscious level.

There is also the struggle regarding "ideal beauty." I am educated and very informed about nutrition. I lift weights as my main form of exercise and I am working on increasing the amount of food I eat each week. No, I am not going to become a bulky body builder. The myths, diet fads, and overall lack of education perpetuates unhealthy eating habits by women and gives them unrealistic body goals based on their current exercise routine. I am aware of the stigma about women and lifting weights. On the other side of things, I feel strong. I have amazing legs and arms— and people compliment me often! I get to eat a lot of food and I no longer have a negative relationship towards what I eat. I do not have to restrict my diet. I can eat and look great— but also FEEL great.

I have high standards for myself, and I want to be financially independent and in control of my life. I want to be healthy and strong, having enough stamina and strength to do heavy tasks on my own. And that is the biggest lesson I learned from defying gender expectations— I am doing this FOR ME. For everything I do and strive to be for myself, then the people who come into my life truly respect me for me.