Editing paragraphs for Unity and Coherence

Question

Instruction: Indicate the sentences that do not belong in the following paragraphs: Then add in some more concrete supporting ideas.



A. Parents of today’s youth are faced with an increasing dilemma: how to pay for the higher education of their children. The cost of college is going up. Over the past five years, this cost has increased 50 percent. Student interest in college is also on the rise. Finding innovative ways to pay the rising cost of a college education is one of today’s major challenges.

B. You should make every effort to apply the basic punctuation rules to your writing. Do not forget to separate words in a series by using commas. Also, use commas to separate items in dates and addresses. Make sure your subjects and verbs agree. Coordinate adjectives provide another occasion to use the comma. In addition, commas are needed with interrupting and introductory words or phrases. Avoid using fragments in your writing. A review of the fundamentals of punctuation will improve your writing.

C. Several definite guidelines will help in writing a resume. The resume must be typed and only one page long. The job objective should be clearly defined. It should be noted that a resume is the same as a data sheet. The wording should be as brief as possible, using phrases rather than complete sentences. References should not be included. The letter of application is used to ask for the job interview. Previous salaries should be included. Neatness and appearance are extremely important. An effective resume will be the results of following these principles.

Answer 1

Rachel,

In the first paragraph there is one repetitive sentence having to do with the cost of higher education and there is one sentence that has nothing to do with higher cost. In the second paragraph the focus is on applying comma rules. Anything that does not directly relate to that should be discarded. In the third paragraph the focus is on writing a resume. Anything that does not directly relate to this should be discarded. The best way to identify pertinent information and discard the rest is to make a list. For example, in the third paragraph I would make this list.

Guidelines for a resume

1. Should be one page long
2. Must include a clearly defined job objective
3. Wording should be brief; use phrases more than sentences
4. Don't include references
5. Include previous salaries
6. Neatness and appearance are important
7. An effective resume will result from these principles (I would rewrite and expand upon this for the summary/conclusion)
8. Your additional supporting idea
9. Your additional supporting idea

Now rewrite the paragraph...There are several guidelines to writing an effective resume. List each. Discuss each. Summarize.

Answer 2

Dear Rachel:

Paragraph A – remove “Student interest in college is also on the rise.”

Paragraph B – remove “Make sure your subjects and verbs agree.” “Avoid using fragments in your writing.”

Paragraph C – remove “The letter of application is used to ask for the job interview.”

The first paragraph is about how to pay for college, and student interest has nothing to do with how to pay. The second paragraph is about punctuation, and subject/verb agreement and fragments fall under other categories of grammar. The third paragraph is about resumes. The letter of application, sometimes called a cover letter, is a separate item from the resume.

Paragraph A – add “Corporations and non-profits target certain groups of students for financial aid.” “States offer scholarships based on achievement and need.” “Colleges offer financial aid, such as scholarships and grants.” “The federal government offers financial aid, such as Pell grants.”

Paragraph B – add “Parenthetical expressions are set off by commas.” “A nonrestrictive clause is set off by commas.”

Paragraph C – add “Contact information, such as phone number and email, should be given.”

Bob