Vague Language Group exercise

Question

1) Read the vague paragraph below and identify all the vague words or phrases. Then you are to

2) Rewrite the vague paragraph below replacing all the vague words or phrases you identified with more specific, colorful, and precise words and phrases

Rewrite this:

Sometime after school, a few of us decided to get our things and go somewhere chill. When we got there, we spread out our stuff and made it real. We talked about some things. A little while later, someone showed up and started doing something we couldn’t believe. We didn’t know whether to laugh or be afraid, but somebody called on her cell phone to ask for help. They showed up pretty soon and took care of everything.

Can Anyone find any other vague words or paragraph? how would I rewrite it?

Answer 1

Sometime after school, a few of us decided to get our things and go somewhere chill. When we got there, we spread out our stuff and made it real. We talked about some things. A little while later, someone showed up and started doing something we couldn’t believe. We didn’t know whether to laugh or be afraid, but somebody called on her cell phone to ask for help. They showed up pretty soon and took care of everything.

So in this paragraph, we can immediately see that the first sentence starts off vaguely with the amount of time after school. Sometime after school can refer to minutes to even hours! Next, there's the next sentence where the writer describes where the group of people went. Saying that we got "there" doesn't specify the location. The next sentence is vague in that it doesn't tell you what they talked about.

So what I can see is that each sentences has a piece of ambiguity.

In the next sentence, "someone" is vague, "something we couldn't believe" is ambiguous. in the following sentence, "somebody" could be considered vague and "They" in the next sentence is pretty ambiguous as well!

We can rewrite this like this:

"An hour after school ended, my friends and I decided to get our things and go to the local frozen yogurt shop to chill. When we got there we spread out our stuff and got comfortable while discussed our grueling school work. A little while later, a friend of mine showed up and started foaming at the mouth! At first we thought it was a prank so we didn't know whether to laugh or be afraid, but the girl next to us called 911 on her cell phone to ask for help. The ambulance showed up pretty soon and took care of everything.