Can some some add corrections to this writing

Question

My name is Jerico J. I attended Penn Foster Highschool where I earned my diploma I am 20 years old when ever I have free time I like to voulunteer at shelters but the reason I am wanting to attend this program is so that I can get experience in the field of dog training so I can help more animals find homes I am also planning to join the Air Force or Army and I'm hoping to be a dog handler when I get in but after all that is over I am hoping to have my own dog training business

Answer 1

Jerico - More than anything else, you need punctuation. You also don't say how long this piece of writing needs to be. If you have the need to make it longer, you could also make it stronger by telling more about what you do at the shelter, and how long you've been doing it. What is it about working with the animals that you like? Help the readers feel what you feel. What is it about training dogs that will help them? Will they become more adoptable? Help your reader understand your motivation.

 

My name is Jerico J. I attended Penn Foster High School where I earned my diploma. I am 20 years old. When ever I have free time I like to voulunteer at animal shelters in my free time. but The reason I am wanting to attend this program is so that I can get experience in the field of dog training so I can help more animals find homes. I am also planning to join the Air Force or Army and be trained as a military dog handler. After my service is over, I am hoping to have my own dog training business.

 

Answer 2

My name is Jerico J. I am 20-years old and graduated from Penn Foster High School in [year]. For the past [ ___ months or years ], I volunteered at [ name of animal shelter ] where I assisted with ________, ________, and __________.  I would like to attend [ name of the program ] to gain dog training experience and help stray and abandoned animals find their forever homes.  My long term goals are to join either the United States Air Force or Army and train as a dog handler.  After completing my military service, I plan to start my own dog training business.