Can anyone help me correct these incorrect sentences? If would be helpful if you could explain why they're incorrect. Please and thank you.

Question

1. If a student has a special talent at kicking a ball, they are encouraged to join the soccer team.

 

2. Despite being made of steel, the freezer is technically an applicance because the appliance is made with an opening.

 

3. The local newspaper gave the wrestling team high praise and said they were an asset to the school and to the community.

Answer 1

My answers are in italics below each of the incorrect sentences.

1. If a student has a special talent at kicking a ball, they are encouraged to join the soccer team.

The noun phrase "a student" is singular; the verb phrase "they are" is plural; the two don't agree, and noun phrases must agree with verb phrases.  The corrected sentence should be one of the following:

(a) If a student has a special talent in kicking a ball, s/he is encouraged to join the soccer team.

(b) If students have a special talent in kicking a ball, they are encouraged to join the soccer team.

(c) Students who have a special talent in kicking a ball are encouraged to join the soccer team.

2. Despite being made of steel, the freezer is technically an applicance because the appliance is made with an opening.

As written, this sentence does not appear to be structurally incorrect.  It has a subject ("the freezer") and a predicate ("is ... an appliance"), and it forms a complete thought.  That said, there are a few issues with it.

(a) I am not sure that it is factually correct.  Whether or not a device "is made with an opening" has little to do with it being "an appliance."  My head has an opening, but I would not call it "an appliance."  The same point could be made about whether the materials of construction determine whether something is an appliance, many of which could be "made of steel."

(b) The sentence is wordy & unnecessarily repetitive. I would try, "The freezer is an appliance even though it is made of steel because it is has an opening."  (Again, I'm not convinced this is factually correct...  "appliance," "made of steel," and "has an opening" are really non sequiturs.

(c) The first use of "appliance" is spelled incorrectly (although this could be a typo in the posting).

3. The local newspaper gave the wrestling team high praise and said they were an asset to the school and to the community.

First, this represents the same kind of agreement problem as the first sentence.  While "the wrestling team" is a singular noun phrase, "they were" is plural; the two don't agree.  Second, it is wordy and could be simplified.  Possible solutions:

(a) The local newspaper gave the wrestling team high praise and said it was an asset to the school and community.

(b) The local newspaper gave the wrestling team members high praise and said they were an asset to the school and community.

(c) The local newspaper gave the wrestling team high praise, saying its members were an asset to the school and community.

Answer 2

Hi Hani,

 

While these sentences may be incorrect within a longer paragraph, there are minor changes that can be made in each individual sentence to make it flow more smoothly .  Here are my suggested ideas:

 

If a student has a special talent, (such as) kicking a ball, they are encouraged to join the soccer team. (Using such as or other qualifier is more concise and connects the sentence to give the reader a greater sense of cause and effect.)

 

Despite being made of steel, (a) freezer is technically an appliance; (since it's made with an opening.)  (Using 'appliance' twice in your example is somewhat redundant and may be improved through using the pronoun.) Also,

(There may be debate over the attempt to define an appliance as only something that has an opening.  If one were to consider a dictionary definition of an appliance there be debate about the wording of your sentence.):

[appliance |?'pli?ns| noun
1 a device or piece of equipment designed to perform a specific task, typically a domestic one: electrical and gas appliances.}],

 

The local newspaper gave the wrestling team high praise and said they were an asset to the school and community.

(Again, using 'to the' is redundant and can be eliminated.)

 

Depending on the longer context of the paragraph, each of these sentences may be rewritten differently.  I am not one to argue much about context but if an editor or professor/instructor is indicating the sentences are 'incorrect', you could consult with them regarding suggested changes.

 

hope that helps,

 

~ tj