Is the paragraph choppy? Is the thesis statement strong and easy to pick out?

Question

Charles Dickens’ novel Hard Times criticizes the destructive viewpoints of 19th century England through social satire and characterization. The Grandgrind family, who demonstrate the back then common belief that fact is all that can be trusted or valued in the world while Mr Boudnerby, and Stephen Blackpool are the first of many characters who display the absurd social inequality between rich and poor. The novel is separated into three books, the Snowing, The Reaping, and The Garnering. The Snowing, introduces the nonsensical viewpoints examined in the story, while the Reaping illustrates the harm these philosophies cause. Finally The Garnering follows the characters as they try to make peace with the effects these philosophies have reaped upon their lives. 

Answer 1

Hi Terra! The opening statement is strong, and your point is clear. However, an awesome trick for checking the natural flow of writing is to read it aloud. Our brains make interesting compensations for our writing that speech does not.

I think that, honestly, the thesis statement could come together a bit more succinctly. That suggestion has a lot to do with personal taste regarding timing and rhythm in the writing though, so it's up to you as well!

I don't actually think the paragraph is choppy at all. Mostly, the errors I see throughout the paragraph include run-ons, missing or incorrect phrasal punctuation, and some missing commas following adverbs.

If you'd like some help one-on-one, I'd love to walk you through what I'm seeing, explain the reasoning, and make sure you'll confidently have those tools on hand for next time! :)

Answer 2

While I believe your thesis statement is strong and easy to pick out, there are some choppy parts of the paragraph. I will correct some grammatical errors, but consider reflecting on your diction in later parts of the paragraph to reflect the confidence you display in the first sentence.

Charles Dickens’ novel Hard Times criticizes the destructive viewpoints of 19th century England through social satire and characterization. The Grandgrind family demonstrate the back-then common belief that fact is all that can be trusted or valued in the world, while Mr Boudnerby and Stephen Blackpool are the first of many characters who display the absurd social inequality between rich and poor. The novel is separated into three books: The Snowing, The Reaping, and The Garnering. The Snowing introduces the nonsensical viewpoints examined in the story, while The Reaping illustrates the harm these philosophies cause. Finally, The Garnering follows the characters as they try to make peace with the effects these philosophies have reaped upon their lives.