Lil H.

asked • 03/08/24

Technical writing and grammar help

For the below sentences: revise to make more concise: remove wordiness (non-plain language, unnecessary prepositional phrases, clichés, sexist language, nominalizations), make bullet lists, separate into shorter sentences or combine, etc. Each contains multiple issues. I also would appreciate short explanations:


1. Employees must remember that safety comes first regarding closing the back door, watching for shoplifters, turning lights on, parking in designated areas, and securing personal belongings.


2. Due to the fact that gas prices are skyrocketing, we have been permitted to work from home.



3. When state officials decided to initiate implementation of a hands-free law, rates of accidents went exponentially down.



4. In the event that you’re hired, it will necessitate filling out insurance forms. Then you need to get a photo ID and an email account. Afterward, set up your office. Lastly, you should allocate time for lunch.



5. Kyle Smith is a diamond in the rough, but we expect him to rise to the occasion.




Anita W.

tutor
Avoid trite phrases, "diamond in the rough" and "rise to the occasion." Watch out for unbalanced, unparallel structure: Mixed constructed sentences are awkward, verbose, and unclear.
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03/12/24

Anita W.

tutor
Avoid jargon, acronyms, and user-unfriendly expressions, especially for students whose first language is not English.
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03/12/24

2 Answers By Expert Tutors

By:

Lil H.

I have just a couple more if you don't mind 6. Approximately 50% of employees admit to stealing from their employers. 7. The program will commence prior to the president’s speech. 8. There are a number of solutions we can implement for the development of equitable modifications. 9. The local carpet mill has a requirement for experienced employees who can work in today’s day and age of fast-paced technological objectives. 10. The seller gave a ballpark figure for the property. It includes an empty warehouse. Two sheds are located behind the warehouse. One parking garage with a capacity of 200 cars is adjacent to the sheds.
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03/11/24

Anita W.

tutor
The problem remains clear, precise, and balanced structure.
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03/12/24

Anita W.

tutor
I recommend using simple, accurate, specific examples, based on peer-edited, scientific research, that is culturally relevant.
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03/12/24

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