At what point does a POV character noting their surroundings go from showing/telling to an infodump?

Question

In a story I'm working on, at one point one of the main characters (also *the* POV character in this case) arrives at a new location which he has never been in before. This is the first mention of this location within this story, so the reader can also be assumed to be completely unfamiliar with the location.Shortly after arriving, the POV character is looking around and noting, in this case, what the house he's entered is like on the inside. This results in a bit over half an A4 page of text where this character notes different aspects of the interior of the house.Everything that the character notes is things that would be visible from where he's standing, so none of it seems unreasonable at a glance that he'd note; also, looking around to get a feel for the place you're in would be a fairly normal thing to do when you arrive in a new location. The things he notes, while not exactly Chekhov's rifle hanging on the wall, are relevant for setting the scene for much of the rest of the story. On the other hand, it does feel a bit like an infodump.**At what point does showing a character looking around and noting their surroundings go from "showing" or even "telling", to an infodump?** What are good tricks to keep a legitimate "looking around" from becoming an infodump, when you can't break it up into, for example, one smaller room at a time?

Answer 1

It becomes an infodump when it crosses into the realm of taxing to read. Whether or not the information is relevant, at some point it just becomes a list of things in a room rather than an enjoyable description of a new setting.

An easy way to help avoid this is to break up the description with character action. If there is more than one character in the scene, your main character can "notice" new elements based on the second character's movements. For example, "A row of portraits lined the far wall" becomes, "Klayton moved to stand next the fireplace, making it appear as though he were the final portrait in a long line of family paintings. 'Now I see where your good looks come from,' I joked." Not only did we create character action and dialog, a new element was easily introduced using this method: a fireplace!

Another simple way to show the setting rather than just tell about it is to have the character EXPERIENCE the setting instead of only viewing it. For example, "Just inside the door sat an antique table" becomes, "I bumped into the table that sat just inside the door. A wobbling vase spiraled as it slowly settled back onto the blue, chipped paint." You never said that the table was antique, but your description of the table has led the reader to conclude that this particular piece of furniture has been around for a while.

Similarly, you are no longer simply describing what things LOOK like, but what they sound like as well. Breaking up a flat description of how things appear with input from the other senses allows for a more holistic reading experience and also avoids monotony. This means that you could easily spend a page describing one particular setting without becoming overwhelming.

Another issue to keep in mind is that, if it doesn't propel your story, it is probably not worth including. But this does not mean that you have to forgo fluffy descriptions! Seeing what the character notices and what he/she does not can be just as important as the setting itself.

I hope this helps!