Appealing for College Financial Aid? Need Feedback?

Question

December 27, 2015
Dear Office of Student Financial Assistance,
I am appealing for Financial Aid Assistance due to suspension because of my difficulty meeting Satisfactory Academic Progress (SAP) requirements. I take full responsibility for the failure of three classes during my Fall Semester at xxxx xxxxx and am truly disappointed. This was my second semester here at xxxx xxxxx. During my first semester I was pregnant with my first child and had just moved here to Arizona while living with family. I succeeded in meeting SAP requirement my first semester, and enrolled for Fall 2015 semester.
Two months before my semester started my daughter was born, and during this time my daughter’s father and I were in the process of moving and finding work. I tried to keep up with my full time classes while tending to the needs of my two month old child and looking for work. I take full responsibility for my failure of all three classes and have made changes since to ensure that if I am privileged enough to receive financial aid again, I will succeed in passing all classes. The steps I have taken and things that have changed to ensure my success in this next Spring 2016 Semester are as followed:
1. I am no longer looking for work, allowing me to dedicate myself 100% to school and my daughter.
2. I am now financially stable at home.
3. I have arranged for family to help watch my daughter during times of need so I can focus on school work without further distractions.
4. I have familiarized myself with the tutor center and am going to obtain a tutor for classes I struggle with.
I realize the importance of succeeding not only in this upcoming semester, but in the future semesters as well. Without the help of financial aid I lack the ability to continue on with my education. I am a hard working student who is dedicated to succeeding here at xxxx xxxx, and now with the changes I have made I am ready to prove so given the opportunity in the upcoming semesters. My education is of great importance to me. Thank you for your time in reviewing my appeal.
Sincerely,
Xxxxx xxxx xxxx

Answer 1

Stephanie, this is a great letter, and CONGRATS on your little one! :-)

 

Just a couple of little things to look at in the letter:

 

--you have two separate mentions of failing 3 classes--eliminate one of them.

 

-- did you move to AZ _after_ living with family, or _to live with family_? clarify which one you meant.

 

-- change 'as followed' to 'as follows'

 

-- change 'things that have changed' to 'changes I have made.' -- sounds more proactive

 

-- perhaps after 'thank you for reviewing my appeal,' you should add something like 'I am eager to answer any questions you may have and provide any additional information you require.'

 

This is a very mature and thoughtful letter. I'm really hoping they grant your request--fingers crossed!!

 

All best, and if you have any questions about my suggestions, post them and I'll answer them.

 

Cheers,

 

Matt in NY