Elif I. answered • 03/21/15
Bilingual Educator with MEd, Tutoring in ESL, Reading, and Writing
Hi Kay,
You could really get into a lot of detail with your thesis statements; depending on how long of an essay you are expected to write, it will be a good idea to adjust the number of ideas you are arguing in the paper, so that you can adequately focus on them and on delivering and defending your opinion.
In the introduction, you should put the question in quotation marks and fix the grammar mistake: One of the most frequently.... seems to be....
Unless you intend to get into the details of WHY you have the point of view that you do (personal experience, experiences of someone you know etc.), there is no need to say "from where I stand", simply state your opinion; the reader already assumes that the writer is writing their own opinion when making a firm statement. However, you can certainly take some time within your essay to describe where you stand and why; this may actually be very interesting for your reader when evaluating your standpoint.
As for your third topic sentence, you can base it on your second and third thesis statements; when there is a higher wage to earn for producing a higher quality service/product, people are more likely to be more motivated to work harder. People are also more likely to continue to work hard if they continue to be rewarded and noticeably valued for doing so. The 'higher pay for better work done" doesn't answer the 'minimum wage' question as much as it answers questions regarding what is 'fair' or when is someone deserving of a raise, but I thought I would throw that out there.
Either way, it seems that your point is, that the more people struggle financially, the lower their morale, which typically can translate directly to low morale in the work environment, leading to unsuccessful businesses, to poor economy, to low wages, and so the cycle goes on.
If I am understanding your viewpoint correctly, this is how I would suggest revising your introduction:
One of the most frequently asked questions in our country seems to be: "Should minimum wage be raised or should it be lowered or eliminated altogether?" Raising the minimum wage would not only lift individual people out of poverty, but it would also lift the spirits of these hard-working individuals by rewarding them fairly, thus strengthening businesses and the economy overall.
From there, you can argue and defend each main point in the introduction and tie them all together again at the end.
I hope this was helpful, please let me know how it goes!
Best,
Elif I.
Elif I.
Kay, it looks like you have a lot to say. If you want to put it all together, you will need to first break apart all the ideas you have; right now you are jumping from one idea to the next.
It looks like you are pointing out these things, as the negative outcomes of the current minimum wage rate:
1- Inability to be independent
2- Feeling unmotivated
3- Feeling embarrassed (due to own inability to afford more)
4- Being humiliated by others.
5- Inability to maintain good health due to inexpensive foods having low quality.
*3 & 4 could be linked in to 1 idea.
To be able to put it all together, you'll want to give concrete examples (studies, known facts etc.), in addition to your own opinion and observations, to support your argument that these are result of a low minimum wage.
Once you've made your argument in support of that, you will have led your reader to the conclusion, which is your thesis that minimum wage should be raised.
* Be sure to pay attention to and fix grammar and spelling errors such as capitalization, plural vs. singular, their vs. they're (they are), spacing after punctuation marks etc..
Good luck,
Elif I.
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03/24/15
Kay C.
so in your opinion 3and 4 is better
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03/24/15
Kay C.
i need some help with explaining that with a minimum wage increase that americans will feel more independent without depending on government assistance.
with the increase those that are on food stamps would not need to be on food stamps. they would be able to afford the basic necessities. also i believe that some people may feel embarrassed due to the fact that they do need help and can not afford to buy the necessities like food on their own. without government assistance people would feel better about themselves.
they feel that their struggle to survive is so bad that it has lead them asking help from the government. and they probably don't feel as independent or motivated. people tend to not talk about what their going through because its embossing and do not want to be judge by other people and people probably don't treat them bad or may be bold enough to humiliate them face to face.but they probably talk about them or laugh at them on the low because they can't do iton their own and.
because their struggle is so bad people are subjected to buy cheap food, and not buy what may be beneficial to them and to be subjected to not live a healthy life.higher wage people can go out and feel good and be independent. they would have better and more choices to choose from instead of one particular kind of thing.
they would be healthier because they would be able to buy the things that is good for them and have the best quality. and it would make them feel good cause now they know that they are able to do what is best for them instead of just accepting the fact that have to lower their standards because they don't have it like that
So perhaps "independent" translates to more than just being able to buy what they prefer; including health and self-esteem
03/24/15