is this a good introduction / thesis

Question

topic: minimum wage should be raised

 

topic sentence #1 strengthen economy and businesses

topic sentence #2 lift americans out of poverty

i think i need another one

 

 

intro:

one of the most frequently asked questions in our country seem to be should minimum wage be raised or should it be lowered or eliminated altogether. from where i stand minimum wage should be raised. changes to the minimum wage would strengthen the economy and business, lift americans out of poverty...

 

i have three different thesis statement

 

 

thesis:  the only way to grow the economy  in a way that benefits 90% is to change the  structure of the economy

 

thesis: paying people a fair wage is a sign of respect and acknowledgement of the value of people contributions to the business

 

thesis: everyone is more successful when people are paid a living wage

Answer 1

Hi Kay,

You could really get into a lot of detail with your thesis statements; depending on how long of an essay you are expected to write, it will be a good idea to adjust the number of ideas you are arguing in the paper, so that you can adequately focus on them and on delivering and defending your opinion.

 

In the introduction, you should put the question in quotation marks and fix the grammar mistake: One of the most frequently.... seems to be....

 

Unless you intend to get into the details of WHY you have the point of view that you do (personal experience, experiences of someone you know etc.), there is no need to say "from where I stand", simply state your opinion; the reader already assumes that the writer is writing their own opinion when making a firm statement. However, you can certainly take some time within your essay to describe where you stand and why; this may actually be very interesting for your reader when evaluating your standpoint.

 

As for your third topic sentence, you can base it on your second and third thesis statements; when there is a higher wage to earn for producing a higher quality service/product, people are more likely to be more motivated to work harder. People are also more likely to continue to work hard if they continue to be rewarded and noticeably valued for doing so. The 'higher pay for better work done" doesn't answer the 'minimum wage' question as much as it answers questions regarding what is 'fair' or when is someone deserving of a raise, but I thought I would throw that out there.

 

Either way, it seems that your point is, that the more people struggle financially, the lower their morale, which typically can translate directly to low morale in the work environment, leading to unsuccessful businesses, to poor economy, to low wages, and so the cycle goes on.

 

If I am understanding your viewpoint correctly, this is how I would suggest revising your introduction: 

 

 

One of the most frequently asked questions in our country seems to be: "Should minimum wage be raised or should it be lowered or eliminated altogether?" Raising the minimum wage would not only lift individual people out of poverty, but it would also lift the spirits of these hard-working individuals by rewarding them fairly, thus strengthening businesses and the economy overall.

 

From there, you can argue and defend each main point in the introduction and tie them all together again at the end. 

 

I hope this was helpful, please let me know how it goes!

 

Best, 

Elif I.