Lying/mental health

Question

I have this friend that I asked how she did really well and says that she placed 3rd and when I challenged her about she really did place 3rd and she got defensive and when I finally asked her again and she admitted that she lied about placing. What was she looking for? What might she gain from lying to me? What might happen internally? 

Answer 1

This is her way to perfect her self esteem and confidence.... if you do well in school or life she may be using it as a way to show she is equal, so others look up to her as well.

Answer 2

I like Jim's answer in that it relates to the third question you asked, "What might happen internally?" What stands out to me about your questions is the relationship that you and your friend share. You might ask yourself, "What was she looking for from me?" and "How would I see her differently had she told me the truth, what might she lose from telling me the truth?"

Answer 3

Lying in psychological language is what we now call denial. People are in denial for many reasons, often those reasons are to protect themselves from feeling hurt and facing the truth of it, or feeling guilt and accepting responsibility for their actions. If your friend could not accept the truth of how they actually placed, they perhaps have equated third place with losing and consider anything less than first a rank of personal shame, which is very hard to deal with for the average person. While denial because of guilt is concerning actions, shame is concerning the person himself or herself. Internally, both guilt and shame are hard to live with, although one can pardon himself or herself for guilty deeds, forgiving oneself for shame is a lot harder. Shame is something that shapes one's view of one's person. Shame negatively effects self-esteem and self-view and self-love and self-acceptance, all which are important for mental health and conducive to how one looks at and faces the world. Third place may not be first, but it definitely is not a cause for shame. Only one person can come in first, another second, and still another third, which still gets the bronze metal. When people are trying to protect themselves from personal shame and are in denial over it, they don't need a reality check, they need a cause to take comfort and the good kind of pride in it, on the road to self-acceptance.