Appropriate word order in a long sentence?

Question

I composed the below sentences to mean The company should contribute to the sustainability by: 1. Proactive development of environmentally friendly products 2. Reducing environmental load Which sentence from the below mean the above more correctly? Example 1 >>The company should contribute to the realization of a sustainable society by reducing and lowering environmental loads in each step of the lifecycle of environmentally-friendly products, from proactive development to ultimate disposal. Example 2 >>The company should contribute to the realization of a sustainable society by proactively developing environmentally-friendly products, and reducing and lowering environmental loads in each step of their lifecycle from production to ultimate disposal.

Answer 1

I personally favor the second example modified a bit: The company should contribute to the realization of a sustainable society by proactively developing environmentally-friendly products, thus reducing environmental loads from production to ultimate disposal. Hope this helps.

Answer 2

Hi! I would definitely say #1 is the correct long version. It is clear by the comma after "environmentally-friendly products" which gives pause before clarifying "from proactive development to ultimate disposal". When you read #2, it just sounds like a run-on. Also, I like that the first one uses "proactive development" instead of "production", the latter of which is more vague.

Hope this helps!

-Alissa