Can I separate the parts of a sentence so far away?

Question

> According to Professor Kong, Bo Xilai’s (the governor of Chongqing, whose wife are convicted of killing the British businessman H. Wood) “Chongqing model”, which was known for its tough measures dealing with “underground mafia” on the political front, “singing red (Communist) songs” on the cultural front, and the promotion of “common prosperity” on the economic front, paved the way for China’s future development. (self-made) All the three merits of the Chongqing model are to be the stones to pave the way. I do not want to put which clause behind “pave the way..”., because I have to emphasize the which part of the sentence, making the readers pay much attention to the reason of Professor Kong for thinking that way. But I doubt that my sentence will be separated too far away. Is there some better way to reorganize the paragraph?

Answer 1

Hello, My advice is to keep each sentence much shorter. Your info is rather complex so each fact or idea should be written in separate sentences. Later, you might be able to join one or two of the sentences to flow smoothly.

For example: "According to Professor Kong, Bo Xilai’s (the governor of Chongqing), the 'Chongqing model', was known for its tough measures in dealing with the 'underground mafia.'"

Since I don't understand many of the facts you are trying to explain, it's hard for me to give more examples without asking you questions. But if it's important to mention his wife's murder conviction, do it in a separate sentence, like "Professor Kong's wife (give her name) was convicted in the killing of British businessman, H. Wood."

Keep each fact as simple and separate as possible.

I hope that helps.

Best wishes,

Beth Greenfield