Is it ever worth the time and effort to correct someone else's grating grammatical mistakes?

Question

Whenever I hear statements like "It was a great deal for he and I" and "Call Karen and I in the morning," I die a little. Such solecisms, as Twain said in another context (Cooper's prose style), "grate upon the fastidious ear." Moreover, I know that these things will likely become accepted usage in time, if that hasn't already happened. As someone who tries to be careful with words and speech, I feel almost a moral obligation to hold the line against this kind of decline. I'm not a word snob; I say "ain't" when it works for emphasis, and so on. I've tried suggesting the grammatical alternative to the above constructions, but even when I phrase my suggestion in the gentlest possible way it never works well and I almost always wind up feeling pedantic and priggish at best, and at worst I feel I've alienated someone. What's the general opinion here? Is it best to just let these things slide or to take up the fight? In sum, is there a good way to promote good grammar, or at least protect it from the most egregious violations?

Answer 1

Is it best to just die a little inside, shrug, and "let these things slide", or is it pertinent to take umbrage at verbal and grammatical assaults, seek recompense, or possibly even insist on sensible discourse?

I can't imagine how one could accurately gauge general opinion here on Wyzant, but I am certainly happy to share mine. I think the right answer lays itself down somewhere in the the middle, neither going so far to the left as to be seen as leftist, nor so far to the right as to be presumed correct, while still eschewing centrism. English always has, and always will be, much more a weapon than a language. In the hands of thugs, it is brutal and imprecise. In the hands of masters, it is brutal and imprecise.

Regarding when it is "worth it" to engage in discourse regarding the improvement of someone's English, whether spoken or written - I find it is always worth it, if you can follow three easy rules.

I'll bet you're 100% sure that what you want to share with someone will help them improve their English. However, please do ask yourself, before simply "helping them":

-> Are you 100% sure what you are saying to them is true?

-> Are you 100% sure what you are saying to them is necessary?

-> Are you 100% sure what you are saying to them is kind?

If you can answer "yes" to all three of the above questions, then I would say that YES, it is indeed worth it.

Answer 2

Steven Pinker has a great presentation on this subject (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OV5J6BfToSw). It takes him about 50 minutes to make his point, so I don't think my post will even come close. By the way, it's worth a watch - there's quite a bit of humor in it too.

Here's the thing. Language serves one purpose and one purpose only: communication. Everything else is just extra.

Here's the other thing. English, more so than other languages, is the Frankenstein's Monster of languages. Its phonological system came from one dialect and it's grammar from another, so from the start, it was destined for difficulty. Then, it was overrun for generations by other peoples with other languages. To imagine that there was some ideal grammatical form is purely revisionist. By the way, I highly recommend The History of English Podcast for all things English language history.

Here's the last thing. Language is moving. It's living. It's breathing. It's dying. With each generation, language is passed on in its imperfections and imperfected further (imperfected isn't a word, but who cares - the laws of suffixes are meant to grow language, not curtail it (curtail, itself has interesting origins https://www.etymonline.com/word/curtail#etymonline_v_497)).

To the OP - based on your writing and your interests, it's clear that you are an intelligent person with an inherent love of words and grammar. If you haven't already, I encourage you to dig into the unimaginably rich history of English and the words with which it is comprised. You'll see that it doesn't matter. People (or should I say persons) will use the language the way they want. Trying to change that is like a grain of sand holding the tides at bay. Either way, I wouldn't stop it if I could. The plasticity of the English language is maybe its most interesting aspect.

To answer the second part of your post. People don't like to be corrected, especially if they're not looking for advice. It's usually embarrassing and not the least bit interesting to them (not like it is to us -- we're weird, I guarantee you). But, if you do want to offer some tidbit of knowledge, I'd recommend doing it cautiously. I don't think I could be more specific than that without needing to supply a number of caveats.

But if you really, and I mean really, want to improve the general public's understanding of grammar... Well, let's cut classes of 30+ down to 15 or fewer. There's no way a teacher has time to provide the individual instruction a child needs when they doesn't understand fewer vs. less (intentional use of "they" because really, "he or she" is cumbersome and "he/she" is too clinical and "she/he" is making a statement that isn't related to the purpose of the sentence). But the state of education is a whole 'nother thing all together.

Hope this was helpful!