can some one help me if these statements are aggressive message or assertive message?

Question

1) Why do we have to do what you always want to do? [aggressive or assertive]

2) I would prefer to go to the movies tonight and then stay in tomorrow night.[aggressive or assertive]

3) Have you seen my keys? I thought  I left them here yesterday.[aggressive or assertive]

please I need some help??

 

Answer 1

The best way to discern if a statement is assertive or aggressive is to look at the overall goal of that statement. Was the speaker attempting to accuse the audience of something or were they simply trying to look into the subject further? With using that as a guideline, we can look into your examples:

1) Aggressive: The speaker is accusing the audience of always deciding what they are going to do.

2) Assertive: The speaker is stating their opinion/desire for the evening, not stating the plans as a fact or demanding that something be done in a certain way.

3) Assertive: The speaker is asking a question to look into a subject further, then gives further detail about why they are asking. The tone would likely change if the speaker said "Do you have my keys? I left them with you yesterday." However, by simply asking the audience if they have seen them, they are not accusing the audience of having the keys.

Answer 2

1. Aggressive: This is because it is an accusatory statement. The speaker is accusing someone else of always having to do what they would like to do instead of what the speaker would like to do. They are immediately accusing someone of being selfish by asking the question in this way.

 

2. Assertive: You can tell this is assertive due to the fact that the speaker began the sentence with the phrase "I would prefer". They are not ordering anyone to go to the movies tonight and stay in the next night. They are simply telling someone what they would prefer to do, not demanding anyone to do it.

 

3. Assertive: These two sentences coupled together are assertive because the speaker is simply asking if someone has seen their keys. The assertiveness comes from the fact that they think they left their keys at that location yesterday. They are guessing that that is the most recent place they left their keys. They begin with the question of someone having seen their keys, rather than accusing someone of not being able to find the speaker's keys. A more aggressive approach could be "I know I left my keys here yesterday! Why haven't you seen them?" Similar to the first sentence, this is accusatory and therefore aggressive.

 

Hope this helps!