please help me to check my grammar

Question

Sarah was spent a lot of time, accompanied by Daniel. In one day her parents asked her to meet Daniel, Sarah was happy because she thought that her parents would allow her to spend time with Daniel. But her parents they decided to send her to Iraq later. Sarah sent to Virginia to spend time with her friend, her name was Loome. In one day her father calls her to tell her that Daniel was arrested.Sarah was confused about Daniel. Sarah was preparing to leave for Iraq, and she was worried but Loome told her to not worry.

Answer 1

Hi Shana! Here is my edited version of your paragraph. I hope it helps!

Sarah spent a lot of time accompanied by Daniel. One day, her parents asked to meet Daniel, and Sarah was happy because she thought her parents would allow her to spend time with him. But Sarah's parents decided to send her to Iraq. Sarah was sent to Virginia to spend time with her friend named Loome. One day, Sarah's father called to tell her that Daniel had been arrested. Sarah was confused as she was preparing to leave for Iraq. She was worried, but Loome told her not to worry.

Answer 2

Sarah has spent a lot of time, accompanied by Daniel. In one day, her parents asked her to if they could meet Daniel. This made Sarah was happy because she thought that her parents would allow her to spend time with Daniel. But her parents they decided to send her to Iraq later instead. In the meantime, Sarah was sent to Virginia to spend time with her friend , her named was Loome. In After just one day, her father callsed her to tell her that Daniel was arrested. Sarah was confused about Daniel. As Sarah was preparing to leave for Iraq, and she was worried about Daniel but Loome told her to not worry.    (how does this end?)

 

One of the pieces that you need to work on is transitions to make this flow a little better and to make the paragraph make sense.  Another thing to think about is make sure all of your verbs match tense wise.  The paragraph or story could use a little bit more of an introduction of Daniel . . . how Sarah met him or something like that . . . and then it needs a wrap up/conclusion as well . . . how does it end?  

 

Another question going on in my mind, was why Iraq?  What was there, that would make Sarah's parents send her there.  More details like that would add a lot of interest to your paragraph/story.  

 

Hope this helps.