Can someone evaluate and grade my SAT essay to "Looting Egypt's heritage?"
The idea that we should work to protect ancient Egyptian artifacts from thievery has its roots in artifact preservation, but the underlying reasons are often overlooked. In “Looting Egypt’s heritage,” author Mohamed Ibrahim puts forth a detailed argument for the protection and preservation of ancient Egyptian artifacts that are currently in danger of being stolen. In doing so, he uses a variety of rhetorical elements, including statistics, hypothetical situation, and collective pronoun.
Ibrahim’s deft use of statistics begins with the discussion of missing artifacts. Ibrahim emphasizes, “Despite our government’s best efforts to retrieve those artifacts, more than 50 items, including some of the famous King Tut tomb, remain missing.” By providing the number of missing items and the specific artifacts that are stolen, Ibrahim grounds his argument in reality so that even skeptical readers can sense the problem. However, 50 artifacts might not come off as problematic to the readers. For those readers, Ibrahim adds, “In the Aug. 14 attack on the Malawi National Museum, in Minya, more than 1,000 items were taken: statues more than 3,500 years old.” Compared to the number 50, the number 1,000 is large enough for the readers to feel the problem. By reading large numbers of artifacts missing, readers are more likely to empathize with Ibrahim and feel a sense of loss of not only the artifacts but also the precious history behind them. Even though Ibrahim’s use of statistics may come off as overly dramatic, it is essential to gain readers on his side and have them feel the problem.
Just as persuasive as his use of statistics is his use of hypothetical situations. Throughout the passage, Ibrahim induces the readers into imagining a world without the intriguing history of ancient Egypt. The readers are forced to “imagine a world in which the stories of King Tut, Cleopatra, Ramesses and other” are absent. The specific stories of ancient Egyptian history that Ibrahim enumerates touch on the readers and urge them to feel a sense of loss. Obviously, who wouldn’t have enjoyed reading and learning about the intriguing and mysterious stories of pyramids and pharaohs? If we don’t sense the problem and take action right now, Ibrahim emphasizes, “the potential losses are staggering.” Imagining the horrible situation of more Egyptian artifacts going missing, readers are forced to feel a sense of urgency and to stand on Ibrahim’s side. Without the use of hypothetical situation, Ibrahim’s message would lose the gravity and urgency of the problem.
Lastly, Ibrahim bolsters his argument with strong directives with collective pronoun. Throughout the first half of his article, Ibrahim maintains a distance between Egyptians and non-Egyptians. However, as he progresses more into his argument, he attempts to close the distance between Egyptians and the readers, repeatedly addressing Egypt as “our country.” This repeated use of collective pronoun “our” lets the readers feel more connected to the Egyptians and to feel in the shoes of Egyptians. Ibrahim moreover emphasizes, “Our country is not only the place under attack: Iraq, Syria, Libya, Peru and Guatemala are suffering similar assaults on their heritage.” By addressing the problem on an expanded scope, Ibrahim gains more readers, specifically readers who have connections to those enumerated countries in some respect. This expanded score also emphasizes the need of “global effort” to solve the problem. The implication is that the problem of artifact thievery isn’t just a problem of Egypt anymore and that it is “our common duty” globally to help countries defend their heritage. In the end, the readers are likely to feel connected to the issue and persuaded by Ibrahim’s argument.
In conclusion, Ibrahim – using statistics, hypothetical situation, and collective pronoun – effectively makes the case that ancient Egyptian artifacts must be protected from thievery. It’s his use of persuasive elements that not only inform the reader of the problem but also spur the reader into action.
Please take some time to read and evaluate the essay. I want to know what score I would be getting for SAT exam soon.
Thanks!
