Tracy S. answered 01/11/19
Certified English teacher specializing in struggling writers
Without further context to add, I would have to say that the writer/speak/narrator, at times does not feel to be in full console of his mental faculties. Sometimes he seems a bit “off ,” meaning that he doesn’t always feel like he’s in his right mind. “Up here” gives the reader the since that the speaker/narrator/writer often feels isolated, and that can be. Contributing factor as to while he does not feel he is of sound mind. Again, with just a few words to use to analyze, this is a best effort educated guess.
Best wishes.