How should I use honorifics?

Question

I'm new to the Japanese langauge and currently learning about honorifics to address family members, close friends, etc.

I just have a few questions:

1. Can you use "-san" for both males/females?
2. Is "-sama" only used for males? Can you address females as "(Name)-sama"?
3. When would you use "Nii-chan" or "Nē-chan"?
4. What is the difference between O-kāsan and Kāsan?

(These are confusing to me)

Answer 1

Yeah this stuff confused me a lot at first too. “-san” is actually the safest one, you can use it for both guys and girls without worrying. “-sama” isn’t about gender, it’s more about respect level, so you can say it for females, but it sounds very formal or even a bit over-the-top in daily situations.

“Nii-chan” and “Nē-chan” are more casual and usually used for older siblings or someone you’re close to, kinda cute/friendly vibe. As for “O-kāsan” vs “Kāsan”, the one with “O-” is more polite/respectful, while “Kāsan” feels more casual, like how you’d talk about your own mom at home.

Honestly, a lot of it comes down to context and relationship, not just fixed rules, so it feels confusing at first but gets more natural over time.

Answer 2

These are the questions posed by Elizabeth, and Masae's answers.

1. Can you use "-san" for both males/females?

Yes. "-san" is a gender-neutral honorific so you can use it for both female and male. It is like Mr. and Mrs. in English, but "-san" can be used after the first name, like "Jim-san, Stephanie-san."

1. Is "-sama" only used for males? Can you address females as "(Name)-sama"?

"-sama" is a gender-neutral honorific also, but its politeness level is higher so it is used in more formal contexts, such as businesses, school settings, etc. "-sama" is used more often when referring to a recipient of something in written forms, such as letters.

1. When would you use "Nii-chan" or "Nē-chan"?

In Japanese language, older siblings have been traditionally called as “older brother (Niichan)” or “older sister (Neechan)” instead of their first names within the family.  Also these naming can be used by strangers to mean a “young man” or “young lady.”  For example, a middle aged man who may not be so highly educated may get attention of a waitress by calling her, “Oneesan.” 

1. What is the difference between O-kāsan and Kāsan?

O-kāsan has “O” at the beginning, which is an honorific prefix that comes before a noun; Kāsan does not have the honorific prefix.  So O-kāsan is more polite and the  standard way of calling a mother.  My children call me O-kāsan.  Kāsan was used more often in old days.  My own mother called her mother as Kāsan. 

(These are confusing to me)

Answer 3

1. Yes, “-san” can be used for both male and female.
2. "-sama" is also used for both male and female. It is more formal and respectful than “-san” and is commonly used when addressing customers or guests, such as in hotels or restaurants. For example,“XXX-sama, kochira no heya ni narimasu” means “Mr./Ms. XXX, this is your room.”
3. "Nii-chan" and "Ne-chan" are casual terms for an older brother and an older sister, used by younger siblings. On the other hand, older siblings usually call their younger siblings by their names. "Nii-san" and "Ne-san” are more polite or formal. Also, some shop owners and staff may address young adult male or female customers as “Onii-san" or “One-san,” as a friendly and polite form. Some families go even further and use “Onii-sama" and "Onee-sama.” These terms are also used for brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law.
4. Oka-san is the polite and most commonly used word for “mother.” Ka-san is a more casual and traditional way to say “mother,” often used within the family. Also, Ka-san and Ka-chan are often used among boys and men. 

Answer 4

1. Yes, you can absolutely use "-san" for both males and females.
2. "-sama" can be used for both males and females. It is a degree of politeness higher than "-san", so realistically you will not be in situations where you are required to use it.
3. You can use "Nii-chan" or "Nee-chan" with someone who is an older brother or older sister-type figure to you, whether that be an actual sibling, an older friend, or a host brother/sister. "-chan" is a less formal, cutesy version of "-san", so you should only use it if you have a very closer relationship to the person you are addressing. "O-nii-san" and "O-nee-san" are also commonly used, so I would use those if you aren't sure if the person you are talking with is okay with you refering to them as "Ni-chan" or "Nee-chan". And lastly, "Ni-chan" is for older brother/male friend, "Nee-chan" is for older sister/female friend.
4. the "O" in "O-kaa-san" is an honorific, so "Kaa-san" is slightly less formal than "O-kaa-san". To be safe, if you are referring to your host mom or someone else's mom, you should use "O-kaa-san", ESPECIALY if it is someone else's mother.