David R. answered • 07/01/20
Masters of Divinity from New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary
What a heart-felt question. I am sorry for what you are going through and experiencing with your family and former church. There are two standards that you can see throughout the Bible, particularly the New Testament and neither of them applies to how families should treat their family members. What your parents are doing is not Biblical, it's their own opinion of how they should act regarding you.
In the old testament you can see faithlessness or disobedience leading to consequences like exile from the community or even the death penalty (by law, but rarely practiced). Jesus, however, changed the game when he came to lay down his life. No longer was purity based on what was done, or what evils were cast away. Our purity became based on our faith in Jesus, not on our personal activities. Jesus went directly to the 'sinners' those spiritually sick and in need of a doctor. Jesus had an attitude toward the lost that was compassionate and intentional toward restoration. Jesus even asked God the Father to forgive the romans who were crucifying him and mocking him because "they know no what they do." Let me make this more clear
1) Standard #1: Towards the lost, towards the neighbor, even towards the enemy show love (yes stand against injustice and help those in need, particularly those who can't help themselves). Jesus left the 99 sheep who obeyed and chased after the 1 who got lost. That is not, and I repeat that is not a spirit of disowning! You parents have come to the wrong conclusion if you truly are lost by their standards, they should pursue you. The parable of the prodigal son could be renamed the parable of the good father. The good father waits and anticipates any possibility of reconciliation. The father ran out to greet his returning son and blessed his son.
2) Standard #2: Towards those claiming to follow Christ, Jesus was harsh against sin and hypocrisy. Jesus even said to his own disciple Peter, the leader, "get behind me satan" when Peter's intentions stood against God's will. Jesus took a hard stance against the religious leaders who outwardly looked righteous, but inwardly were devoid of anything truly good. Jesus prescribed church discipine (NOT FAMILY DISCIPLE!) to exclude the sinning Christian who remains unrepentant in their sin (first a personal confrontation, then bring some church members with you then bring it before the whole church and exclude the person)... why? so that the person may feel the weight of conviction, repent and be restored to the body of Christ.
**important question** Do you A) consider yourself to be someone who identifies as Christian, but has beliefs of life practices that clearly stand against the teaching of the Bible. (example: homosexualiy, adultery, stealing, gossiping, drug addictions... not okay in the Bible, and should not be okay in the church) If people engage in these things without a sense of conviction or repentance, then the church should not continue to associate with them.
or do you B) consider yourself not to be someone who identifies as Christian and never have been "saved" by your faith in Jesus Christ. If you are in this category, your parents and church should see you as any other non-believer and pursue any opportunity to show you love and the truth. There is only one true way to reconciling with God and that is by faith in Jesus (believe what he did and give him lordship over your life). Like it or not, we can't complain. God built one good bridge to span the gap between us and him that sin created and no other bridge, and we never even deserved the one bridge, yet he did it anyway.
It sounds life you fall under group B. Your parents, in my opinion, are wrong to disown you and I pray that God convicts them of that.Regardless of church discipline, Jesus NEVER set a precedent for families to disown other family members. It was always a church-related standard.
David R.
Associate Pastor
