why don't I have any friends?

Question

well, sometimes when I walk down the hallway at school, I see people with friends, and I remember that I don't have any. so basically I just want to know how to get friends and why I don't have any.

Answer 1

There are many ways to make friends, being invisible is not usually one of them. Most of the people you see with friends have gone through the risks of rejection by putting themselves out there. Here are a few pointers you may find useful.

1. Don't be too over zealous, but say hello to people here and there. There is no need to have deep conversations at this stage. Just be casual and nonchalant.

2. Remember that the topic of discussion that people like most is, themselves. Don't be too personal, but it's ok to act interested to some degree. Talk about their teachers, classes...etc...

3. Smile and let everyone see that you are a well balanced individual without any emotional friendship baggage. Most people don't want to be around others that will drag them down.

4. Don't be invisible. There is no need to act out and get in trouble, but don't just blend in to the wood work. Wear cheerful clothing and speak up once in a while, even if it's just to ask a question. Let people know you exist. Yes, there is a risk that some might reject you, but such is the case with anyone who gets noticed. 

5. Be a part of something. Most of the people that have a group of friends are involved in clubs, church and other events where they have had the opportunity to work, or play, together. Being a part of something with others automatically makes you similar to them and easier to befriend. 

Please remember, like Bill said, you are not alone. There are many more people that feel the same way you do. Even some of those that appear to have all the friends in the world feel like they have none, just the same way you mentioned. Appearances are a funny thing. Sooner or later you realize that not everyone is how they, at first, appear to be. 

Good luck! You will do great. 

Answer 2

Making friends is as much about your approachability as it is others. First, take a look at how approachable you are. Do you carry yourself with an open stance? Do you make eye-contact or smile at others? The next thing you should think about is how willing are you to trust others as well as gain trust from them? Connecting with others is the most foundational need, but also sometimes the most difficult. Start with the basics. Find someone who has some of the same interests as you and make yourself available for a conversation about that topic. Remember to be open to varying opinions and keep the conversation light in the beginning. Friendship is based on trust, so therefore it needs to grow.

Answer 3

Friends don't worry about having alot of friends. One or two good friends. Popularity isn't the best sometimes. Just be who you are. In the future you will be mega bucks because you wasn't so popular and had tons of friends.

Answer 4

Be friendly.  We all reap what we sow, meaning...friendliness draws friends.

This will take some time so use wisdom and guard your heart from people pleasing and people hurt.

Be wise.

Answer 5

Dirlin, this was a major problem for me.  I was shy and wasn't interested in much of what other people were doing. While playing music gave me some connection to others, what did it for me was drama.  I wasn't comfortable on stage at the beginning, I felt real kinship with the other people in the group.  We seemed to all be "misfits" and accepted me for who I was.  That gave me some grounding and improved my confidence so I could build friendships and connections with others. 

The other suggestions above are great tools for you as long as you can approach them sincerely.  My primary recommendation not to try do to everything at once.  Find a group that resonates with you so you feel grounded.  Then start branching out when you feel ready and using that new found confidence to help you adjust your approach with others.  You will be surprised how many others are doing this at the same time you are.

Kind thoughts and best wishes.

Answer 6

Smile more and make it a point to say hello to people.  You break the ice first. 

Start/participate in study groups.

Be active in school -- participant in student government, join service clubs, clubs pertaining to your interest, or join sports program, etc.

Good luck -- You'll be fine -- lots of people are going through the same thing you are...

 

Answer 7

A book may help you "How to Win and Influence People".  The below comments were on-line on the web site at Amazon.

 

For more than sixty years the rock-solid, time-tested advice in this book has carried thousands of now famous people up the ladder of success in their business and personal lives.  Now this previously revised and updated bestseller is available in trade paperback for the first time to help you achieve your maximum potential throughout the next century! Learn:

* Three fundamental techniques in handling people

* The six ways to make people like you

* The twelve ways to win people to you way of thinking

* The nine ways to change people without arousing resentment

 

I have written a book myself if your interested about love (Christian based).

www.almozingo.com