Can someone correct my thesis?

Question

I want to talk about Cohousing as an alternative to American Dream Homes. And my thesis is below:

Cohousing is an ultimate future model for the American Dream Home with respect to its substantial social, economic, and ecological benefits.

Can anyone give me some suggestions? Thank you so much!!

Answer 1

Hi Amanda. :-)

1. Delete "ultimate". Stay away from words that have "est" on the end. It's near impossible to prove the "best" or the "worst" as there will always be something better or worse... or even beyond "ultimate".
2. Your opinion can read "Cohousing is the model for the future of the American Dream Home". A good way to form an opinion is just to start with "I believe". You can keep it or delete it in your completed thesis later. And your opinion shouldn't be a long drawn-out statement. For example, "I believe God helps people who pray" or "Guitars are very easy to play."
3. Now, imagine you are a pirate and your fellow pirates are making you "walk the plank". And you have exactly 10 seconds to tell them WHY you think "Cohousing is the model for the future of the American Dream Home". Maybe you scream out "because there are substantial (1) social, (2) economic, and (3) ecological benefits!!!!!!" And you fellow pirates, now satisfied with your reasons, let you back on the ship.
4. These three reasons will each have a single paragraph devoted to your PROVING how that reason supports your opinion. If a paragraph becomes too long, you can always break it up into smaller paragraphs.
5. So, in the end, your last statement in your Intro paragraph, your thesis statement, which is the combination of your opinion and reasons, should read: " _{I believe} Cohousing is the model for the future of the American Dream Home because there are substantial social, economic, and ecological benefits."

GOOD LUCK!!!!