Renee H. answered • 09/15/20
Experienced Tutor and Coach Specializing in Writing
Like a sonnet, your poem has 14 lines and an abab–cdcd–efef–gg rhyme scheme. But it's not in iambic pentameter, which is required for a sonnet.
Iambic pentameter describes the rhythm, or meter, of a line of poetry. An "iamb" is an unstressed syllable followed by a stressed syllable. Think of it like the rhythm of a heartbeat: da DUM. Each one of those "da DUMs" is an iambic foot. Each sentence of the poem needs to have five of these iambic feet ("pent" refers to "five").
The lines in your poem don't have that distinctive "da DUM" unstressed/stressed rhythm, so they aren't in iambic pentameter. Here are a couple of things to try as you revise it.
First, find a sonnet to read out loud. Read more than one, until you get that rhythm in your head. Don't listen to any music while you're working. You have to get all other rhythms out of your head while you're working on this!
Then, work through each line of your poem, one line at a time, finding words that express what you want to say in that "da DUM" rhythm. For each line you need 10 syllables that, when you read them out loud, sound like "da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM." Reading out loud while you're writing will help you draft lines with the proper rhythm.
Expect to go through a couple of drafts. You'll find words in the proper rhythm and then you won't like them. Then you'll need to find others that you like better, that also fit the rhythm.
If I was working on this, I would try to keep the words at the ends of the lines intact, since the rhyming scheme works now! But that won't be easy.
I'd be happy to help you, so feel free to contact me.
Renee Hopkins
Renee H.
If a word has more than two syllables, it can be hard to hear the stressed and unstressed parts. So you try thinking in terms of syllables, not words. That's really hard, because we're not used to thinking like that when we read or write. But if you break out the words into syllables, it's easier to hear the stressed and unstressed syllables. If you had a drum, you would hit one soft beat and then another one harder. Try slapping your hand down on a table or a hard surface in the da DUM beat -- that might help you feel the rhythm better.09/15/20
KeAnna K.
I literally cannot thank you enough!! I rewrote the sonnet and it’s so much better! I really appreciate your help Renee!09/16/20
Renee H.
You're welcome! So glad I could help. Feel free to contact me if you need any other help!09/16/20
KeAnna K.
Thank you so much! I’m really struggling with picking out the “da DUM” rhythm, even when reading other sonnets. Is there any way to tell what words or parts of words would be stressed or unstressed?09/15/20