Asked • 04/03/19

Questions on two sentences on a cover letter?

I am writing a cover letter - an excrutiating process. There are two sentences I am quite unsure about. The first one: > I hold a math Ph.D. from xxx that was carried out at a research group headed by yyy, a receipient of the Fields Medal, the “Nobel Prize of Mathematics". Question 1) Is this sentence too long? Is it better to split it in two sentences? For example, would > I hold a math Ph.D. from xxx. Its work was carried out at a research group headed by yyy, a receipient of the Fields Medal, the “Nobel Prize of Mathematics". be better? Question 2) Does it sound presumptious? It is the second sentence in my cover letter, right after "I am writing to apply too...". I am applying to a post in the US outside academia. University xxx is not well known in the States, and the Fields medal is not well known to non-mathematicians (it is, however, widely regarded as the nobel of math, e.g. see wikipedia). So, I feel as if I have to explain that xxx is a solid place. If it is presumptious, would you have a better way to express this? The second sentence I am having trouble with is > I believe that the advertised post is an outstanding opportunity to contribute to, and further develop my career in, governmental policy planing and analysis. This was my sorry attempt to put together the two sentences: > 1) I believe that the advertised post offers an outstanding opportunity to contribute to governmental policy planing and analysis. > 2) I believe that the advertised post is an outstanding opportunity to further develop my career in governmental policy planing and analysis. Since the post I am applying to is just for a few years, I feel it is OK to say it is a stepping stone, not the end point. would you have any suggestion on how to improve this? Or it is a bad idea to put something like this is a cover letter? It is the end of my first paragraph.

1 Expert Answer

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Terry F. answered • 04/04/19

PhD, MBA, MA(math) Math, Statistics, Economics,Finance, Physics, Comp.

Terry F.

tutor
The first part of my answer got deleted. With respect to your first question, I much prefer the two sentence option. As to your second question choice 1) is far superior. Your prospective employer only cares what you can do for them and not what they can do for you. The more general advice relates to the fact that employers these days are now using software that compares your resume with their job specifications looking for a certain percentage of "key word" matches.
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04/04/19

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