Should you apologise to a man when he opens the door and waits for you, but you ignore it?

Question

Last week, I had internal exam. My examiner, who works as a professor in the same university that I study in, was not happy with my performance and asked me to repeat the exam at a later stage. If I don't make it then, I would have to end my course. I was obviously upset with his decision. 2 days later, we came across each other face to face. I tried to avoid him, was a bit scared as well and stepped aside near the water cooler and acted as though I never saw him. I walked slowly with my head bent down as I was ashamed too for not having performed well. He, however, was very kind, courteous and opened the door for me and waited for me. After almost two minutes, I said 'water' ( with a gasp as I had held my breath while he was standing next to me with face in opposite direction). He left the door and walked away (probably a bit disturbed). Should I apologise for my behaviour? I was obviously not happy with what he had done, was ashamed and a bit scared and hence, did not want to talk to him. I however do feel guilty for the way I responded to his courteous behaviour. Can anyone let me know as what needs to done? Thanks.

Answer 1

Riya,

 

I imagine this situation feels painful. I've been there.

 

Believe it or not, here is my recommendation:

 

Be grateful for the entire situation. Think about it and simultaneously smile the biggest smile you can. There is an excellent purpose for what has happened. If you start by letting go and trusting that all will work out for the best, truth will come to you in regard to how to proceed with your professor.

 

Best,

 

-C

Answer 2

I have not met a professor yet who wants their students to do poorly.  The grade is a reflection of your performance; when you score poorly, it doesn't mean your professor dislikes you or wishes a bad outcome for you.  It is just their job to grade or judge your performance, and they have to be as dispassionate as possible.  If a professor's scores were always in line with how they felt about a student as a person, that would be a terrible professor.

 

So there's a dual relationship; that on a professional level, and a personal level.  Nobody in that situation really wants to extend a harsh judgment on the professional side, and have it negatively impact the personal side.  In spite of what happened professionally, personally he extended a token of kindness.  So he probably has good will towards you.  And, it's probably not the first time he's been faced with an awkward juxtaposition of personal feelings and professional responsibility.  So he probably understands your reaction, too.  But it will take a meeting with him to reassure him of your own feelings, and for you to know his.

 

Even showing up at office hours with a simple gift (cup of coffee?) may be all the apology needed, and can put things to right.  I'm sure that if you take the first step toward reconciliation, everything will turn out great.  And you might even be worrying over something that needs no apology or reconciliation at all!  So communicate.  In that simple act lies the answer to your issue.

 

Best wishes for a happy 2016!