Why is writing in free counterpoint so hard?

Question

I have had this overwhelming feeling for weeks. 1 day I even had to listen to Mozart just to go to sleep because I was feeling so overwhelmed. I have tried everything I did in the past for composer's block and nothing's working except lots of time. Listening to Bach and seeing how he develops his fugues hasn't helped. Listening to other fugues hasn't helped either. Looking at analyses of those fugues also hasn't helped. I tried just putting it on the back burner while composing a string quartet. That seemed to help a bit(got the alto voice in the last 4 measures of the exposition) but I think it was just time. With the subject and countersubject, I was like "Yes I want this in my fugue and I just know it will be harmonius". Now that I am doing free counterpoint in 2 voices and soon will be doing it in 4 voices, I am feeling very overwhelmed. Here is what I have been thinking: > Do I want this staccato or legato? Do I want to change the note length? If so, longer or shorter and by how much? When to restate the subject and in what way should I restate it? Retrograde? Original? Inversion? Retrograde Inversion? Do I restate the countersubject? Do I add another countersubject? What key should I modulate to if I modulate at all? Another minor key like F minor? A major key like Bb major? The parallel key(C major)? The relative key(Eb Major)? An unrelated key like Gb major? Do I add anything from the Dorian mode or some other mode besides Ionian and Aeolian? When to have a stretto or canonic moment? Do I want a trill somewhere? Do I want a recapitulation? Wait, did I just break the rules putting that octave there and having a fourth resolve to a fifth? It is like I am in the fog and have no idea where I am going out of thousands if not millions of places. Even restricting to the natural minor instead of using the harmonic or melodic minor doesn't help. All I know is that I don't want my first fugue turning out to be a double fugue because that will just worsen the situation and I want some dissonance but not too much and if I modulate to another key, I have to at some point modulate back to C minor. I have been told by my Momma and others to just experiment with all these things, but to me that sounds like it could easily lead to too much dissonance or not feeling like the home key is C minor even though it is. It feels like I have to make 10 or 20 decisions at once and just can't. But why? Why does it have to be so hard? I know it will get easier with time to write a fugue, even if I write more complex fugues like double fugues. I have an instinct to continue writing my fugue but I'm stuck. **How can I overcome this overwhelming feeling and finish composing my fugue so that I can see and listen for any changes it needs?**

Answer 1

I graduated college in 2000. For the first 18 years after I was out of school, I was a slave to the parameters that my professors rightfully set for me. Recently, I realized that if I am going to make a living from music and not be teaching this old theory, my best strategy is to produce and record compositions that people will pay for in 2021. Most of the time, that does not mean breaking ALL of the rules and doing some "20th Century" specifically designed without a tonal center; however, it does mean being able to create a mood and a groove.